The days after Robin past were strange . Family was gathering from out of town. It was good to see them. There was laughter and tears. It felt like we were all just getting together. So much so that before heading out to dinner or lunch mom and I would both catch our selves on the phone saying “aunt robin” in the list of people that would be there.
I remember my heart sinking I as the words came out and I said “no, no, no.”
Mom simply replied “I know. She’ll be there too. We’ll keep doing that .”
It seems weird for me to say that. That she’s here but not here. I’m not a big believer in someone looking down from heaven and smiling. I’m a firm believer that once someone is in the presence of The God head , that’s all that matters . There is nothing or no one else. Not that they simply forget the loved ones left behind. But that they are so enthralled and taken back by the one who made them whole that they can’t help but be in constant praise before His throne. I’ve always believed it to simply be a sentiment that people said when people died. That they’d look down on you and smile.
Now I’m not so sure. Not that she’s looking down. Or that heaven even exsists above us in the clouds. At the hospital, the evening she passed , Amanda (Tyler’s wonderful wife) talked about the idea that heaven is another dimension here on earth. To me, it makes sense. If God exists among us, if angels and demons exist among us, it’s not much more “far fetched” to say heaven does. We are already a part of His body but not fully a part of the new earth He will bring to fruition.
I’m not sure. With all of our searching and study the only thing I know is that she is with Him. Because of that, the pangs and waves of her not physically being here are also followed with joy and peace. My heart longs for heaven and home. But for now I choose to search out the pieces of heaven on earth He has given us. Robin Bowman was one of those pieces. Amongst us are countless faces and souls that He longs to add to the story. Her life was surrendered to seeking out those souls and loving them unconditionally.
Are you a piece of that ? Do you know the kind of joy that comes only through Christ ?
May our lives speak and create stories over and over until we reach the not yet.
May our longing for heaven and home not breed guilt , fear or the desire to throw up our hands but one that drives us in desperation to fall face down as we rise and rise again.
We are already but not yet.